Final Thoughts

by Caesar

You might be wondering why I have decided to this. You may think you could have saved me somehow, but you can't. Nothing you can do can ease the ache I feel in my heart. A pain that is tearing through my fiber, anguishing my soul, shattered into a thousand pieces. I cannot stand one second of this most miserable of existences. But when she was alive, my life was warm and tranquil. Though the military required my absence from her, she was in my thoughts. Every moment with her was a thousand lifetimes of happiness and tranquility. Whenever Cadence came to visit me, she would always wish me luck with those rowdy soldiers, or simply little peck on the cheek, those were the moments I remember the best, with the most fondness. Those memories I was determined to hold on to, even as the effects of alcohol clouded my mind. But even with those memories, I have nothing to live for anymore. With Cadence no longer amongst us, my existence is empty... meaningless. Even if we reached the end of time, somehow, someway, our presence together would make our final moments the best it could be. The moments I spent with her was heaven on earth, though blissfully ignorant of the pain I must feel now.

I remember when we first met, the times we shared. How shy I was then to talk to her. The idea that one day, we'd be getting married, then starting a family then seemed like a folly. Our wedding night wasn't exactly an ideal one, with the changeling invasion and all. But we pulled through and finally became husband and wife. We lived together in wedded bliss. One day she told me the exciting news... she was pregnant. The state of wedded bliss we knew, had been rekindled. I would make sure that her every need was attended to. At other times, I would work long hours to make sure we had enough to support her. I was the happiest stallion in Equestria. Princess Celestia even gave me time off to spend more time with her. We'd discuss potential names, and argue who would be the better parent. We laughed about it then, I wish could laugh about it now. But all the same, every single moment of joy, every minute of laughter, has been replaced with years of bitter sadness.

I was supposed to be a father that day, my wife was supposed to come home that week. Never shall I forget her screams of pain nor the look on her face as she slowly died. Alicorns were supposed to be beautiful, immortal creatures. Instead, their very being is just as mortal as the rest of us. Never shall I forget what the doctor told. Never shall I forget that my child, my foal, was born dead. My very being had broken that day. I screamed, I cried, I denied it. "She isn't dead!" I would yell. But there was nothing my tears and screams could do, to bring back my beloved Cadence. I never even got the chance to say goodbye to her, when she was still amongst us the living, whom must now carry on in her absence in this world, this life, this hell of existence. Only the bitter taste of alcohol, seemed to dull my senses, dull my pain, and dull my anguish. But Canterlot does not need, nor ever, needs a drunk of a Captain. My downward spiral into Tartarus, my sentencing to hell, made ever harder. As I sit here, taking a last sip of alcohol, contemplating my final thoughts.

She could have, and should have lived. She should have remained with me, and we would have raised our foal together. We could have grown old together. Watched as our foal had foals as well. We could've left this world together. But that is folly. That is a lie. I must linger, I have been sentence to this hell, until Celestia sees fit that I may be reunited with my beloved Cadence, and the foal I never had the chance to love, embrace. I must linger in this paradise lost.

I am sorry, mother and father. I am sorry to my friends at the Academy. I am most sorry to you, my little sister, Twily. I remember some of the good times we shared together. Wasn't I who taught you to fly a kite oh so many years ago? I promised I would always be there for you. If only your Big Brother Best Friend Forever, could be there for you. Sadly, that is no longer the case. I felt like I died, along with my wife and foal. But instead I have been condemned to Tartarus and to live without Cadence is my eternal punishment. Though It was you, who helped ease my pain through this difficult time, but this overwhelming pain that gnaws at my heart and soul, has finally overcome all barriers and left me a broken stallion that was your brother. But alas, there is nothing more you can do. You must take care of our mother and father. No doubt that you will share my pain, a pain that shakes my soul. You must be the stronger child now. This gun feels heavy and cold. But nothing feels colder than I do at this very moment. I can hear you, mother and father, screaming at me to open the door. Your pleads and yells, mean nothing to me at this very moment. The door had been barricaded, all but the strongest of magic could be enough to break it down.

I must leave this world of broken dreams and hopes. I hope that in the next life, there is a better world. A new world where there is no pain, no death, and one with my beloved Cadence. A world of eternal happiness and sunshine.


There is one bullet in the chamber. . One bullet to silence my pain once and for all. I am sorry, my parents, friends, and... Twilight, but I must be with my bride.

Your Despairing son,

Shining Armor

Former Captain of the Canterlot Guard Shining Armor, 27, Canterlot, passed away earlier this week at 10:32 p.m. as a result of injuries sustained from a self-inflicted gun shot wound, after being taken off life support at Canterlot General Hospital.

Shining Armor was born in Canterlot, Royal Province, Equestria where he would live throughout his life. Shining Armor was a graduate of the Equestrian Army Academy, former Army Captain, and a hero to many for his role in stopping the Changeling attack on Canterlot.

He is survived by his mother and father, Lady Twinkle Star and Lord Sparkle Night; and sister, Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Shining Armor is preceded in death by wife, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, and infant foal, Sturdy Shield.

Services for the late-captain of the Guard will be held at Canterlot Palace. Burial will be at the Equestrian Military Burial Cemetary.

Twilight's Eulogy to Shining Armor

Today mares and gentlecolts, we are facing a very painful day none of use could have ever imagined in even our worst nightmares. A loving brother, son, friend, and captain has been taken from us. I am Shining Armor's LSBFF (Little Sister Best Friend Forever), Princess Sparkle. We're all here today, because on a very fateful day, my... my older BBBF (Big Brother Best Friend Forever) had … had decided to end his own life. I'll never truly understand what drove him to take his own life. Though he had the love and support of his family and friends, Shining Armor went through an ordeal many ponies never have to go through. To lose not only the love of his life, Cadence as well as his only foal through childbirth is truly the reason why he no longer saw life worth living.

As a foal, I used to look up to my older big brother best friend forever. He taught to me to fly a kite, and protected me from the bullies at school. We can appreciate every moment he had spent with us in Equestria. But when his beloved Cadence had died, it seemed as though life itself had been ripped from his very heart and soul. We the ponies of Equestria can never truly understand what was going through his mind the moment he decided to go and kill himself.

As his Little Sister Best Friend Forever, all I can say is that I feel very guilty for not being there when he needed me most. Apart from Cadence, perhaps it was I who could have, no should have, reached out to him and tried to help him more than I had before. Shining Armor used to be so full of life, never going about without a smile on his face.

My Big Brother Best Friend Forever used to do so much for me and others. And yet, when he needed someone the most, we failed him. He asked use to forgive him for his selfishness in taking his own life. Shining Armor, my BBBFF, perhaps it is all of us who should be asking for your forgiveness. You needed help, and never got it. We may spend the rest of our lives wondering what we could have done, what we should have done, to help our dear Shining Armor. In his... In his suicide note, he said he wished to be in a place without pain. Without suffering or grief. My only wish for my dear deceased brother... that he got his wish. That he is in heaven with his beloved wife and child. I have with me a poem I wrote for Shining Armor that I now wish to present to you all.

Big Brother Shining Armor,

we never knew your torment,

never knew your pain.

We lived life as it was,

as yours was taken away.

We saw what we wanted,

not what you felt within.

Forgive us for failing you,

our failure to comprehend,

your suffering every day.

We pray your anguish,

will forever cease.

And that your deepest guilt,

replaced by only peace.

The loss of two you held most dear,

invaded your every thought and dream.

Weeping internally,

and feeling deeply sad.

Despite the loss,

we remember the good, not the bad.

We remember the life you had

not when you were sad.

We'll always leave you in our memory.

All the happiness and joy

when you were here.

A better place in the afterlife

is that all we hope to see.

A place of no pain and fear,

a place we hope to see

you once more

my beloved Brother.

A bright light I see in the distance.

There is a voice, calling out for me.

"Come home my son, come home."

I feel a great urge to come to the voice.

It was a gentle feeling, not a coarse and unfeeling one.

I take a few steps, and feel the urge to go, go to the light.

"Where am I?

"Where have I been?"

"What is happening?"

"Why am I here?"

"Should I be here?"

"I remember feeling all depressed. It was as though any worth in living had been taken away. Each day a living hell in itself, only to be continued again the next day. I would walk around seeing people talking and laughing with their own loved ones, but that would not happen to me. For the life of my beloved wife and foal had been snuffed out by the complications of childbirth and biology. I'm sure the doctors tried as much as possible to save their lives, but the urgency was great, and that night my wife and foal had died. I thought I could silence my own pain with alcohol, that somehow the effects of that liquid could make me feel better. Instead I felt worse and worse. Then I made the stupid decision to end my own life. I ended up writing a suicide note, and locking myself in my room. I loaded a pistol and then shot myself. At the time I did not realize how my actions would affect everyone else in my life, my mother and father (who would have been the first to see my horrible selfish act), my friends and buddies, my fellow guards in Canterlot whom I had turned my back on, and most of all my beloved little sister, Twilight. I'm not sure if they can ever forgive me for what I've done."

There was a brightness that shone in Shining Armor's eyes. But it was not a painful sensation for the eyes. Rather it was a pleasant and peaceful sensation. It was as though that every single regret, every feeling of pain and sadness had been swept away like one would sweep dust with a broom. Shining Armor felt happiness for the first time since his beloved wife, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, Cadence, died along with their unborn foal.

Shining Armor then saw all of the moments as his life flashed before his eyes. He remembered the events of his life. He saw how he was when he was just a young colt, enjoying the toy Sword his loving parents had given him for Christmas. Perhaps it was here where Shining Armor would begin the path towards his future career in the military.

The memories continued to flash before Shining Armor as he continued moving towards the bright light, the peaceful light. Shining saw himself as a young colt holding his baby sister, Twilight, his Little Sister Best Friend Forever. He taught her how to fly a kite, helped her with her homework, and defended her from the many bullies that would pick on and torment her at school. It was also around their school age where Shining Armor met Cadence. That lovely mare would stop by to watch Twilight when there was no one around to take care of her as the parents would be away for business and Shining Armor would be away at a sport camp of sorts as Shining Armor was always involving himself in sports and athletics. When Shining Armor returned home one day after a game of Hoof Ball, Shining came across what was to his eyes the most beautiful mare in Equestria. She simply smiled at him and said hello. Shining Armor on the other hand simply ran out of the house, as he was too shy and scared to think of a proper thing to tell this mare. As the years went by, Shining Armor and Cadence's love and respect for each other grew until one day Shining Armor was able to convince Cadence to marry him.

As each memory continued, Shining Armor smiled at each one, from proving their love not just to each other, but also all of Equestria as it was the driving force behind ridding Canterlot of the Changeling Threat. What saddened Shining Armor was that the knowledge that he had lost his wife in childbirth due to complications resulting from a breech birth and a botch caesarean section ended the life of the duo. The period of time of his drunken period where he returned home each night after hours of drinking cider and other alcoholic beverages rang in his ears. Though Shining Armor was presented with each sin he had committed in his life, somehow, someway he felt as though they were finally atoned for. The memories end at last with Shining Armor and his memory of pointing the gun at his head, finally ending his last years of pain and sadness.

But Shining Armor felt sadness no longer, for he realized that he felt great, his pain was finally gone for Shining had finally arrived in the place he had sought for far too long. A place without pain and suffering, a place filled only with the happiness that Shining Armor had longed to have returned to him, but never received.

Shining Armor found himself in a sort of meadow like one from Equestria. There was a bright sun shining light from above, flowers growing amongst field, not a single thistle amongst their numbers. Not a single unpleasant feeling was to be found within Shining Armor, for the only thing he wanted to do was dance joyfully in the field without a care in the world.

"My son." A voice calling out to Shining Armor.

"Shinging Armor" The voice said again. "I know you feel that you do not deserve paradise, and that your so called selfish action would bar you from paradise. But you have given much during your life in Equestria. You and your beloved had saved it from a threat. Yet you have suffered greatly in your time in Equestria. Losing Caedence and your foal on the same day is a terrible ordeal that not many experience in their lifetimes. I know you can never forgive me for allowing that to happen. However, through your trials and ordeals, you have earned your place in paradise. I assumed you wished to see them again in a place most familiar to you. Enjoy paradise as it is in spring."

That voice sounded so peaceful, like a father talking to his child. It was so kind and caring like he knew of Shining Armor's every need and desire, being quite considerate of them. This place, of what Shining Armor called a meadow, was in actuality paradise in the afterlife. But there was just one thing missing…

There was a peck on Shining Armor's cheek. Someone had kissed him. He turned around to see who it was. Shining Armor was reunited with his wife.

"Hello my beloved." Cadence said embracing her husband for the first time since she had perished.

"Ca.. Cadence! Cadence!" Shining Armor formed tears in his eyes as he embraced his wife harder than ever before.

"Cadence, promise me you'll never… ever leave me again."

Cadence merely silenced his words with a kiss.

"Its paradise Shining Armor, we'll never be apart."

Behind Cadence, there was a little foal, a colt actually behind his mother.

"My colt! My colt!" Shining Armor said picking his Colt up for the first time.

And so the family was finally reunited in the paradise that was so sought after. They would live for eternity in happiness, never pained by death or separation. They could finally live in peace.

A mare sat in her room at Canterlot Castle. Young Princess Twilight Sparkle was removing her crown and preparing for bed late at night. She sighed softly as another day had gone by since her Big Brother Best Friend Forever had died. As she prepared to slip into bed, she heard a knock on the door.

"Knock... Knock"

"Who is it?" Twilight asked as she wanted to know who wanted to talk to her late at night

"It's your mentor, Princess Celestia." Celestia said on the other side of the door. "May, I come in if that's all right with you?"

"Of course Princess." Twilight said. "Please come in."

Princess Celestia slowly opened the door into Twilight's room in Canterlot. There was Twilight Sparkle laying on her bed, next to a pile of books of course.

"Twilight," Princess Celestia said with a look of concern. "I know you've been having a hard time dealing with your brother's death. I've come here to see if you're ready to talk about it."

Twilight Sparkle merely sighed again.

"It's odd, Princess." Twilight said to her mentor. "Though I keep thinking about him, the more I miss him."

Princess Celestia shook her up and down, perfectly understanding her words as through her years of immortality, she had seen many great mares and colts come and go.

"But even now…" Twilight said was a soft smile "I feel as though he's finally at peace."

The End

To be honest, I wasn't entirely sure why I decided to write this alternate ending. Perhaps it could be a way to show both sides of the coin. Instead of entering paradise, it's paradise lost. Forgive me reader for deciding to write this. If you've thought the first chapter was sad, you've entered a whole new domain of sad. Warning, this chapter will not be for the faint of heart, viewer discretion is advised.

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Alternate Ending: Paradise Lost

Shining Armor continued to embrace his wife once more, that beautiful mare of his that he had lost. No longer would they ever be separated from each other again, for they would finally be together once more, for the rest of eternity, in paradise.

"Promise me" Shining Armor said as he was embracing his wife. "Promise me, that'll you'll never leave me again."

Cadence hugged her husband even harder after that request that he had made.

"Shining Armor" Cadence whispered into Shining Armor's ear. "I promise you as your wife, that I will never leave you, my husband ever again."

"Cadence." Shining Armor said "I love you."

With that last statement, Shining Armor kissed his wife once more. But, something was very wrong. Her lips felt cold and they tasted like that of dirt from the ground. Shining Armor backed away, shocked as to what he found. Something was very wrong. Suddenly to Shining Armor's horror, his wife Cadence began making a loud shriek, her flesh began melting from her body. Soon Princess Amore Cadenza was nothing more than a puddle of red and pink liquid.

With Cadence gone, the scenery began to change for the worst. The stream that ran through the fields had begun to catch on fire. Soon it wasn't a river of water, but that of a dark and evil liquid, one that is not pleasant to drink. The sky had changed from a warm and friendly light blue, to a hue similar to the crimson color of blood. The air began to fill with the smell of fire and brimstone. Shining Armor fell straight to the ground and began to weep.

"What is going on?!" He cried out.

The meadow had changed as well. No longer was it full of flowers and grass, but it looked as though a fire had swept through, destroying and burning everything in its path. The few plants that remained, were wilted and had perished. A once beautiful landscape, now reduced to a wasteland, but worst of all were the screams. It was as though hundreds of thousands of ponies and other creatures were being tortured brutally over and over.

"Where in Celestia's name am I?!" Shining Armor cried out now utterly horrified.

"You wanted paradise." A cold voice said coming from nowhere. "I gave you a glimpse of what you wished for. A place of no pain, no heartache, and most important of all... your wife Cadence… and then I took it all away. Welcome to your new home, Tartarus."

The voice left Shining Armor to his fate, for Shining Armor would soon learn the full fury of what Tartarus could offer. Aside from the pain of the physical anguish of the fire, the thirst, and the starvation, the worst of it all was the sole fact that Shining Armor would have to be without Cadence. There would be no drugs to dull his senses, for time works much more slowly in Tartarus, our mere seconds are their hundreds of years and for each one, Shining Armor will linger, pondering how he can never be reunited with his beloved wife and foal. He will have the rest of eternity thinking about that.