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funny stories
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| tac-O |
Posted on 07/21/2012 18:16:16
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Member
Posts: 58
Joined: 13.07.12
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Post some funny stories that have happened to you or have read. Ill start
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
***OFFICIAL ZA SQUAD RESPONSE TEAM*** - Driver |
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| The Hat of Love |
Posted on 07/21/2012 18:23:42
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ShawnPeezy
Posts: 9035
Joined: 31.07.11
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I don't know about you but if I'd just beaten someone genetically weaker in a duel then I wouldn't be up for another fight with someone else. I'd probably lose, even if we were equal. Your system is flawed.
Also I don't like M&Ms.
my signature broke, here is a fox snek:
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| tac-O |
Posted on 07/21/2012 18:26:38
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Member
Posts: 58
Joined: 13.07.12
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You can't compare a hat with an m&m.
Also m&Ms don't like u either
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| Saviour |
Posted on 07/21/2012 18:34:10
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Numpty
Posts: 1352
Joined: 05.10.11
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LOL |
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| RazNinjaMike |
Posted on 07/21/2012 19:22:36
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Moderator
Posts: 4586
Joined: 20.11.10
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omfg... i do that too man! holy shit! |
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| tac-O |
Posted on 07/21/2012 19:28:40
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Member
Posts: 58
Joined: 13.07.12
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Might be disturbing but still hilarious
So I am 21 and my little sister is only 11. Anyways she gets in the shower and a little while later gets out and goes into her room to dress.
Like 3 seconds later she starts screaming and I am working out in my room doing my third rep of chest curls, so I have no shirt on. I immediatly drop my 50 lb weights and barge in and ask her what the fukc is wrong with her and she points up at the ceiling and its just a little stupid spider on the ceiling. Our ceiling is kind of high so I have to jump to get it. So i grab a magazine and jump up to swat it. and I hit it a little but it falls and lands right on my fukcing sisters head.
she immideatly drops her towel and starts swatting at her head screaming "GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF" I notice it crawling down her back and it is still alive I drop the magazine because it wasnt working so well and i grab her shoulder with one hand to get control of her because she is flailing around like a maniac and then I am swatting at it with my only other free hand. and just then my parents burst in and see her naked and me in just my aids shorts spanking her rearend while she is crying her ****ing guts out.
Most embarassing day of my life. I tried to explain to them i was like "guys oh no wait there was a spider there was spider and stuff". and my little sister was still crying her guts oout and my dad just exploded and told me to "get in your fukcing room immediatly you sick fukcing predator". It doesnt help that a couple months ago they found a pair of her undies on my floor. I dont know how they got there but probably were stuck in my pants after mom did laundry or something.
i really feel like killing myself right now.
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| Hotpot |
Posted on 07/21/2012 19:31:12
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Senior Member
Posts: 397
Joined: 25.05.11
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^That is kind of disturbing
I have one, although it is kinda trollish.
This is the #1 thing NOT TO DO in Britain (if you're an American).
DO NOT enter a crowded English pub at 10 P.M. and read the American Declaration of Independence out loud from your tablet (esp. in a terrible 18th-Century English accent).
I know from experience. I tried it on July 4th last year. I was a bit too excited, unfortunately...
Good thing most Brits took it light-heartedly, b/c they do have some sense of humour. But that is something I will not do again when I visit UK.
Edited by Hotpot on 07/21/2012 20:09:42
Which one are you? |
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| Hotpot |
Posted on 07/21/2012 19:37:30
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Senior Member
Posts: 397
Joined: 25.05.11
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I have another crazy English pub experience, which I told Drk. Unfortunately, I think it is age-restricted so it is best not to post it here.
Which one are you? |
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| tac-O |
Posted on 07/21/2012 20:07:53
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Member
Posts: 58
Joined: 13.07.12
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should be a +17 section for these hilarious stories. I have plenty funny 1's but like champ said, age thingy for kids
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| Tulipness |
Posted on 07/21/2012 20:28:12
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Numpty
Posts: 1008
Joined: 18.03.12
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When i tell my friend i don't like chocolate,she tells me chocolate doesn't like you!
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
-Aristotle
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| RazNinjaMike |
Posted on 07/21/2012 20:29:35
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Moderator
Posts: 4586
Joined: 20.11.10
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wow you are the first chick i know that dont like chocolate.
hmm
what about white chocolate? |
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| tac-O |
Posted on 07/21/2012 21:19:52
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Member
Posts: 58
Joined: 13.07.12
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Tulipness wrote:
When i tell my friend i don't like chocolate,she tells me chocolate doesn't like you!
That's funny cuz when i tell my friend i don't like chocolate,she tells me chocolate doesn't like you!
***OFFICIAL ZA SQUAD RESPONSE TEAM*** - Driver |
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| ZA BrickSquad |
Posted on 07/21/2012 21:49:34
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ShawnPeezy
Posts: 5303
Joined: 12.05.11
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Caramel or light brown skin-colored girls usually likes to call me White Chocolate(; |
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| Revenge |
Posted on 07/21/2012 22:21:21
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Super Admin
Posts: 1297
Joined: 28.06.12
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Hmm. Funny stories. Tac-O's is a little disturbing. And Brick, I have yet to meet a girl made from such candies. Where do you live in Candyland so I may visit you? |
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| rawr |
Posted on 07/21/2012 23:16:07
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Wanker
Posts: 733
Joined: 30.03.12
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when i was 17/18 i used to some pot.. an i was high an smokin a cig in the truck witch we were going down a bumpy dirt road. well my cig hit the dash board an i thought i got all the cherry that felll put out an like 1 min later something was on fire an i was like do u smell that... something on fire there like no... i look down my arm (sweater) was on fire lmao. it was too funy. but had to be there to get the full funny effect of it xD
What We Do In Life Echos In Eternity.
STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand
Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.
Before you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them…
you are a mile away from them…
and you have their shoes.
“I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.”
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| ZA Luna |
Posted on 07/21/2012 23:32:44
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I got a big blue star for posting. i must be special
Posts: 1723
Joined: 16.11.10
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THANK YOU, HAT. I don''t like M&Ms either. My friends think I'm nuts.
I was walking from the band hall to my biology class last school year, and when I opened the door to see a bunch of kids standing around gawking at a guy in a banana suit. Before my mind could even register what was happening, the banana boy screamed and ran past me. Soon after a guy in (I kid you not) a gorilla suit came barreling past. Gorilla guy chased banana boy a short distance down the hallway before gorilla guy was stopped by one of the teachers. After that I walked into biology class slightly shell-shocked.
I have so many more stories.
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| Carnage |
Posted on 07/22/2012 01:10:40
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Super Admin
Posts: 4245
Joined: 28.09.11
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The M&M one is off the Internet cause I've seen it before.
Also please remember we have young people in the clan and so let's limit the talk about drugs,sex, and alcohol abuse. Thanks.
"Hey guys, I just bought this thing called a sight ward...so it's GG." - MasterA in League of Legends
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| rosario |
Posted on 07/22/2012 02:00:19
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Wanker
Posts: 922
Joined: 25.11.11
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Ok I got one
When I was 7 my mom thought it was a great idea to have a family reunion in are house. Are isn't that big so it was very crowded. All kids who came where my room f****** everything up so what did I decide to do? Me and my best friend flipped my bed on 7 kids. All of them were squirming under the mattress and it was hilarious. Had to fix it afterwards -_-"
A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others. Are you stronger?
 
I WILL 1 DAY RULE SOVIET RUSSIA!!!! |
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| tac-O |
Posted on 07/22/2012 02:46:11
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Member
Posts: 58
Joined: 13.07.12
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ZA Luna wrote:
I was walking from the band hall to my biology class last school year, and when I opened the door to see a bunch of kids standing around gawking at a guy in a banana suit. Before my mind could even register what was happening, the banana boy screamed and ran past me. Soon after a guy in (I kid you not) a gorilla suit came barreling past. Gorilla guy chased banana boy a short distance down the hallway before gorilla guy was stopped by one of the teachers. After that I walked into biology class slightly shell-shocked.
I have so many more stories.
Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy and pasted it to word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave .........it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look like”
***OFFICIAL ZA SQUAD RESPONSE TEAM*** - Driver |
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| The Hat of Love |
Posted on 07/22/2012 11:20:05
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ShawnPeezy
Posts: 9035
Joined: 31.07.11
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I think that's a lie.
my signature broke, here is a fox snek:
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